The end of the year has a way of making us feel like we’re in a race against the clock, doesn’t it?
I’ve been running around the last few days checking off errands on my year-end to-do list: paying off bills, sorting through my closet, finally tackling a big Marshall’s bag filled with letters, old invoices, receipts, boarding passes, art exhibit and theatre pamphlets, and tickets. Deciding between a new pair of lenses to use my leftover health savings funds. Going through hundreds of screenshots on my phone and deleting old text messages. Calling my bank, handling end of year financial affairs, and deciding how to allocate my charity donations. Each task feels like one more thing to check off before some imaginary clock chimes and judges me for leaving things undone.
Yesterday, I took a moment to pause, breathe, and reboot. It is OKAY if everything isn’t done by January 1st because life will still go on. In my moment of frenzy, I thought about how the end of year can bring up all kinds of feelings for folks—excitement, trepidation, sadness, nostalgia. While I haven’t been able to find one word to describe this year, I would like to pack up the last twelve months in a neat box and ship it to Antarctica (joking, joking sorta kinda).
Instead, I’m sitting here in gratitude for all the joy moments—
Childlike laughter while snow tubing with friends. Shrieking while kissing a stingray for good luck in choppy ocean waters. Enjoying a bowl of juicy pineapples on a hot July day. Belting Boyz II Men lyrics with new besties at an outdoor amphitheatre. Watching the sunset over the Brooklyn bridge and experiencing glorious autumn days in NYC. Watching my sweet cousin’s baby turn one and my baby sister turn a big quarter. All the art exhibits walked through, words collected from everywhere, sights seen, and wonderful people met in different places. Life is truly gracious.
And I’m grateful for the lessons learned from the challenges faced. Have those hard conversations and ask for clarity. Know that acceptance makes way for change. Grow in the uncertainty. Let go and let God. I told myself when I was in the thick of it, “Girl, just hold on. Keep going.” It is truly what got me through. I’ve long held on to a quote by Zora Neale Hurston, “There are years that ask questions and years that answer.” I have unanswered questions this year, but that is the beauty and mystery of life. It ebbs and flows in seasons and cycles. And for all of it, I say thank you God for my lot.
Today, I choose to look ahead, embrace much needed rest, and reflect on an oldie but goodie poem called I AM RUNNING INTO A NEW YEAR by the poet Lucille Clifton:
i am running into a new year
and the old years blow back
like a wind
that i catch in my hair
like strong fingers like
all my old promises and
it will be hard to let go
of what i said to myself
about myself
when i was sixteen and
twenty-six and thirty-six
even thirty-six but
i am running into a new year
and i beg what i love and
i leave to forgive me
I beg what I love and leave to forgive me. There’s a lot that I intended to do and thought I knew at the top of the year. Things look different now and I offer myself the same forgiveness and compassion that I would give a dear friend. I promise to leave the baggage of the past behind and look ahead at the possibilities of the new year. I hope you will do the same.
Paper & Kale has been a fun hobby I started at the beginning of the year to pass the time and honestly avoid “real world” things. I kept my promise and showed up each week even when at a loss for words. 55 blog posts later and readers including dear family, loyal friends, and lovely Substack connections, I am finding my way. This has become the creative outlet that I didn’t know I needed.
So, thank you—thank you for rocking with me. Thank you for reading and engaging. Thank you for being here.
As we approach 2025, my wish is you simply allow yourself to be. Be still, even for a moment, to look back at how far you’ve come and forward to all the wonderful days that lie ahead.
I wish you providence and good fortune in the New Year. May you find joy in the most surprising places, peace in your warm home, and deep belly laughter around the ones you love. May your hands be compelled to kindness and compassion. And may gratitude and love lead the way.
Have a happy new year!
Be well,
Chidi Love
Tell me in the comments: What’s one thing you’re leaving behind in 2024, and one thing you’re bringing with you into the new year?
I'm leaving behind procrastination IJN🙏🏾 I'm taking forth courage 💪🏾
Happy new year sister this was such a beautiful read!